The saga of Pyotr
Pyotr was an ordinary man from Minsk who sold refrigerator parts and believed in nothing. Then he went to Iceland on a coupon.
The hot spring incident
On the second night of a discount tour, Pyotr fell asleep in a geothermal pool after four glasses of Brennivín. His heart stopped at 2:13 a.m. The tour guide was on his phone.
The druids arrive
Pyotr awoke on a black sand beach that was also somehow the inside of a whale. Seven ghostly Icelandic Druids in fog-knit sweaters were waiting. Their leader, Hrafnkell the Damp, said only: "You are late. Also you are dead."
Trial of the fermented shark
To earn passage back, Pyotr had to eat hákarl while reciting his entire search history aloud. He finished both. The druids wept. No one had ever done the second part.
The gift
Hrafnkell pressed a cold thumb to Pyotr's forehead and carved the rune of Both Ways into his soul. From now on, he would hear the dead. Unfortunately, he would also hear the living, including their thoughts about his haircut.
Return to the pool
Eleven minutes after flatlining, Pyotr sat up in the hot spring and told the tour guide where his late father hid the good whiskey. The guide quit tourism that day. Pyotr quit refrigerator parts.
Services
Séance, standard
60 minutes, $89
Talk to one departed loved one. Pyotr relays everything faithfully, including the passive aggression.
Reading the living
30 minutes, $55
Find out what your coworker actually meant by "per my last email." Results may be upsetting.
Druid consultation
By appointment, payment in wool
Direct line to Hrafnkell the Damp for big life decisions. He answers in riddles and is usually right.
Pet and plant channeling
20 minutes, $35
Your fern has notes. Your cat has many more. Both are about the thermostat.
Haunting mediation
House call, $240
Pyotr negotiates with your resident ghost. Most settle for a dedicated shelf and quieter neighbors.
Group séance
Up to 8 guests, $300
Great for birthdays, bachelorettes, and resolving family arguments that should have died with Uncle Lev.
Word from both sides
He told my wife where I buried the spare key. Twenty years she didn't find it. Five stars.
Gennady, Tulsa
Finally someone who listens. The living never let me finish a sentence.
Aunt Raisa
Pyotr read my mind during the consultation and correctly guessed I was thinking about lunch. Unsettling. Will return.
Dana, Wichita
Tell Hrafnkell he still owes me a sweater.
A Viking, name withheld
Book a reading
Pyotr already knows you are coming. This form is a formality.